Not Understanding Ali Depression, And Developing My Own Depression, After Her Death.

My Love,

Ali Brown, There are a thousand ways to say I love you around the world, but only one way to prove it and that is through actions. You have proved that you love me unconditionally time and again. You were that one person that was by my side when all the world was against me. I have known ever since that day that you were the one for me. I try to love and take care of you as much and as well as I can. I hope you know that I have the best intentions always. So please forgive me if I ever hurt you or caused you pain. I love you for now until forever and I will never leave your side.I love you! Everything I do is for you!

By Anthony Thomas.
Depression? I never really understood why certain people felt depressed. I never felt that way even when life beat me down time after time. I always felt like “oh well tomorrow will be better” and tomorrow was always better. So when I meet Ali, she was this amazing, crazy girl who was “Full Of Life.” I didn’t know she was battling her own Demons because she never showed it. So as time passed and her depression started to take over her life, she turned to drugs to help her cope. I still didn’t understand how depression could make someone use drugs to cope with whatever was going on in her head. She used to tell me all the time that she was depressed, but she never told me why. In my mind I didn’t get why she was so depressed. She had loving parents, a big brother that she admired so much, and she had a beautiful 2-year-old son. I just didn’t get why she was so depressed, day after day. In my mind, I just thought that was another excuse for her to doing drugs again. Boy was I wrong! I started reading up on depression and how it affects the mind and body, and I finally understood what she was going through. The crazy thing is that by the time I understood, it was too late for me to help save her, because on Jan. 13th 2017 on my birthday I got the worst news ever that the woman I loved so much got killed the night before my birthday. I can’t explain to you how that felt. I felt like I died that day. It didn’t feel real. How could you be here one day and the next day you’re gone? I never felt that type of pain in my whole life! I locked myself in my room and I cried. I completely shut the whole world out. I felt lost, heartbroken, useless, alone, sad, and angry at myself for not being there with her to protect her. That bothered me and it still does to this very day. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think without thinking of her, and our life together, and how I should’ve been more supportive of her in the beginning with her depression. It’s crazy how everything hit me at once. I lost weight, I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t work. I could not function. I felt that way for a few weeks, lost helpless. I had all the same symptoms of depression that Ali did. The Anxiety, apathy, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, mood swings, and sadness.
Sleep: early awakening, excess sleepiness, insomnia, or restless sleep
Whole body: excessive hunger, fatigue, loss of appetite, or restlessness
Behavioral: agitation, excessive crying, irritability, or social isolation
Cognitive: lack of concentration, slowness in activity, or thoughts of suicide
Weight: weight gain or weight loss
Also common: poor appetite or repeatedly going over thoughts.

After battling with my own depression after Ali death  I finally understood how she was feeling, and what she was going through. Nobody should ever have to go through life not feeling wanted or feel like your life doesn’t matter or wanting to take your own life. nobody should have to turn to drugs to cope with their depression. I finally realized what she was struggling with. Depression is an illness that goes undiagnosed and 50% of Americans every year depression isn’t always easy to notice, and that is so true because I didn’t really notice it or understand it until it was just too late. That’s  why I started the ARB foundation to help. victims of depression. I promised myself that I would help those who  are battling with some  form of mental illness like depression. I made this promise to Ali that we would help those in need find a way to cope with their depression as will as putting resources together to help them find and get treatment, especially since Ali didn’t have those resources at the time she needs. 

I want to thank everyone who had a hand in help me create This Foundation. Want to thank the ones who help me get over my depression, and helping my find my motivation to keep going. I just want to say thank you. 

Ali Renee Brown, I will always love you, I will always love your son like he is my own. I promise you that your Name will forever live on and that your Foundation will help save so many lives, I love you 

Rest In Peace. 

If your feeling like you have depressed please go get screened. Go take the 3minute depression test.

3 Minute Depression Test

3 Minute Depression Test & Screening. Get Instant Results.

10 Ways To Help With Depression

10 Natural Depression Treatments – WebMD

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